


hell yeah, hyung!

by scoups_ahoy



Series: idolverse [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Questioning Sexuality, and when i say implied i mean it, basically svt are all lgbtq+, it's not direct or explicit at all, jeonghan is Confused but Trying and we love him, supportive dongsaengs, wise dongsaengs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22899514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoups_ahoy/pseuds/scoups_ahoy
Summary: seungcheol comes out to the members, prompting jeonghan to reexamine his own sexuality, as well as his feelings towards cheol.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: idolverse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587964
Comments: 26
Kudos: 311





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my head for like a month now and i took a break from the au i'm working on because i really wanted to do this!
> 
> again, this is not beta-read nor extensively edited!
> 
> enjoy! <3

**lee chan & the boys**

_20/02/25: 19:46_

**cheol~** **  
**group meeting in thirty, downstairs dorm. don’t be late!

**boo** **  
**didn’t we just have a group meeting tho hyung?  
like two days ago?

**jihoonie** **  
**come on hyung, i’m finally working on some decent music again. can’t we do this later?

**shua♥** **  
**obviously seungcheol has something important to say so let’s quit complaining and go!

**cheol~** **  
**thank you joshua. someone gets it.

**seok** **  
**i’ll be there hyung!

**channie** **  
**me too hyung!

Jeonghan locks his phone with a soft laugh, shaking his head, and then he sits up in bed. Sore muscles protest loudly, and he groans at the stretch. They’ve been home from Manila for just over two weeks but with the rest of their tour dates cancelled for who knows how long, they started throwing themselves into comeback prep. September seems a long time ago and the fans are itching for something new. So is Jeonghan, if he’s being honest. Touring is exhausting fun - emphasis on the _exhausting_ for this past leg - but something in him similarly loves getting ready for a comeback. Listening to the new music being produced, learning the new choreo, spending hours getting his hair dyed and treated, inadvertently staying up all night before the actual comeback because he’s just so excited.

He can’t wait. Even if his muscles hate it.

A knock on his door pulls him from his reverie and with a soft sigh, born more out of pain than annoyance, he slips from his bed. On the other side of the door stands a pensive, pallid face, shoulders drawn taut, sweater sleeves fisted in his hands. Seungcheol runs one said sweater paw through his freshly cut hair, biting his lip as their gazes meet. Butterflies flutter through Jeonghan’s stomach and he puts on a smile.

“Are we having the meeting up here now?” he asks.

Seungcheol shakes his head and then sighs. Again a sweater paw pushes through his hair and then it falls back to his side where it tugs at a loose thread in the thigh of his jeans. He’s fidgety. Anxious.

The desire to protect, to fix all of Seungcheol’s problems, to find the source of his anxiety and root it out so it never bothers him again flares up like it always does when Jeonghan sees these little signs. It hurts his heart and he gently ushers Seungcheol into his room, closing the door. “What’s wrong, Cheollie?”

He doesn’t answer for a few moments, just stares at the floor, breathing in and out slowly, deeply. The way Dr. Kim taught him. Glancing up his warm eyes scan the room slowly and Jeonghan wonders if he’s trying that grounding technique he told Jeonghan about. The fact that he would even have to _use_ that right now worries Jeonghan but he stays quiet, giving Seungcheol the space he knows he need to open up by himself.

And when he does open up, his voice is small. “You’d support me no matter what, right Hannie?”

“Always.”

This single word seems to alleviate some of his anxiety and he meets Jeonghan’s gaze, shoulders relaxing enough that it stops looking painful. “There’s something I want to tell you,” he says. “I told Joshua already because I figured he’s probably one of the most open-minded of us all, being American and all that. Plus he’s also my friend and I don’t want to tell everyone all at once because that might kill me and I would really like having people there who already know so they can support me and - “

“Cheollie,” Jeonghan says quietly and he wants to touch him, try and ground him through that, but he knows he needs to ask first when Cheol’s this anxious. “Take a breath, okay? And start from the beginning.”

Seungcheol breathes in, holds it for a few seconds, and then releases it. He does this a few times, Jeonghan even doing a couple with him, and then a soft smile touches his lips. And even though it’s small somehow it manages to light up his whole face because Seungcheol’s face is just _made_ for smiling. “Thank you.” But as quickly as it came the smile disappears. “You promise you won’t - you won’t judge me, right?”

“I’d never judge you, Cheollie.” His own worries are starting to spike because _what the hell is going on? What’s got him so worked up?_

He nods. “I know that, I swear I do, it’s just… sometimes my brain tries telling me differently. And I just need to hear you say it.”

“I know,” Jeonghan says softly, wishing he could take away whatever was troubling him. “I’ll say it as many times as you want, okay? Just ask and I’ll - “

“I’m bisexual.”

It comes out so quiet, so rushed that Jeonghan isn’t certain he heard him right at first. But there’s not much else that sounds like ‘bisexual’ so he _must’ve_ said that, right? And then it dawns on Jeonghan: the anxious fidgets, the rambling, the reassurance, the grounding techniques.

_He’s scared I’ll judge him._

“Seungcheol,” he whispers. “You’re bisexual?”

He nods quickly, eyes on the floor again, fingers pulling restlessly at that thread in his jeans. “Y-yeah, um… listen, Hannie, I get it if you - if that makes things weird for you, or - I mean, I - it’s - I…”

Memories touch his mind, of nineteen year old Seungkwan shaking as he came out to Jeonghan in the middle of the night in an American hotel room, like “gay” was a bad word. Of Jihoon offhandedly mentioning that he thought he was asexual during a songwriting session, to which Hansol had chimed in with a “hell yeah, hyung” and a “think I’m pansexual but I’m not sure, you know?”. Minghao and Junhui announcing a few months ago that they were engaging in some kind of casual, friends with benefits relationship because “we obviously don’t have time for boyfriends and girlfriends” but they were still lonely. Most of all Jeonghan remembers how Seungcheol had handled all of that: with the love and support and wisdom that comes with being a leader. How he hadn’t let a single one of his members down. And Jeonghan knows he needs that now, for himself.

“Can I hug you?” he blurts, everything in him itching to touch, to comfort. To reassure the way he knows Seungcheol needs.

Seungcheol’s head snaps up and there are tears in his eyes, tears that sting at Jeonghan’s heart because there’s no need for them. But he knows how anxiety works, knows how it can chip away at one’s heart and soul and mind until they’re paranoid about everything. Including the ones they love. “You - wh - you’re not - you’re not disgusted?” he whispers.

“I’m proud of you,” Jeonghan says, and it’s true. “I could never be disgusted with you, Cheollie. Not even if you sprouted another hand and six more eyes. I’d still love you as much as I do right now, as much as I did yesterday. As much as I will tomorrow.”

His tears spill over in a choked sob and then he’s crushing Jeonghan in a tight hug, leaning down to bury his face in his neck. Jeonghan just holds him close, as close as he possibly can, running his fingers through Cheol’s thick, raven hair, letting him cry as much as he needs. God, he can’t imagine what it would be like to hold something like that in, knowing the worst of Seungcheol’s anxiety would have latched onto it and morphed it into a point of fear. Jeonghan doesn’t know much about sexuality, never really gave it a lot of thought but he does know it shouldn’t be something to be scared of. And Seungcheol needs to know that. Jeonghan hopes he does.

After a few minutes Seungcheol pulls back, sobs having subsided into hitching breaths, and wipes at his eyes. Jeonghan brushes his hair from his eyes and offers a smile he hopes is as supportive as he means. “Do you want to talk about it? Being bisexual, I mean?”

“I will when we’re with the others,” he says. “I just wanted to tell you and Shua first just in case…”

_Just n case no one else supports him._

It’s an irrational fear (which is of course the basis of anxiety) and not for the first time Jeonghan hates the anxiety that’s invaded his mind, that would make him think any of his members would do anything less than support him and love him. So he wipes at a couple stray tears and kisses Seungcheol’s forehead. “I’ll always be there for you, Cheollie. No matter what.”

“Thank you, Hannie,” he whispers in a tear-thick voice, gummy smile on his lips.

Twenty minutes later, Seungcheol isn’t as nervous as Jeonghan thought he would be. It probably helps that he and Joshua have taken up residence next to him on the couch, on either side of him, and haven’t let up on the hand-holding and hushed, comforting words. At least Jeonghan hopes they’re helping. And as the other members finally settle in around the downstairs living room, Jeonghan squeezes Seungcheol’s hand.

“I love you,” he murmurs.

“You got this!” Joshua whispers.

Seungcheol gives them both a faltering smile before turning his attention to the other ten members, each of them strewn around the room in varying degrees of nonchalance.

Minghao takes one look at the three of them and sighs heavily. “All right, who died?”

“That’s dark,” Mingyu scoffs around a green straw, courtesy of a Starbucks run. “Why did someone have to die?”

“Look at them,” Minghao retorts, extending a hand in their direction, and Seungcheol tenses just a bit. “Obviously something bad happened. I’m assuming the worst, just in case.”

“No one died,” Jeonghan says. “But this _is_ important.”

Seungcheol nods on an exhale and the room settles into quiet. It’s almost unnerving and definitely unusual when all thirteen of them manage to be calm at the same time, but as rowdy as his dongsaengs tend to be Jeonghan knows that they know when to take situations seriously. They know how to read their hyungs. And he’s grateful for that, in this moment. They sit silently, giving Seungcheol all the time he needs. And after a few seconds he sighs.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking since I went on hiatus,” he says quietly. “A lot of soul-searching, a lot of therapy. Trying to figure out how I can continue to be an idol when sometimes the thought of performing makes me want to vomit. Trying to figure out how I can keep leading you guys when somedays I can’t even get out of bed.”

“You’ve been working hard the last few weeks,” Soonyoung says with a leg curled underneath him, smiling gently, “and I’m proud of you, hyung.”

The others chime in with soft agreements and Jeonghan squeezes his hand to offer his silent support, heart warming at how much they all adore him. And he hopes Seungcheol can feel that love.

He offers a gentle smile of his own. “Thank you. I’m - I’m proud of myself too, actually. But um - well, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve been needing to figure out what it is that’s been making me so anxious, so that way I can try and fix it, right? And I know part of it is the fact that I - I kind of take everything on my shoulders and I don’t talk about it and I don’t let anyone help. Because I feel like it should all be my responsibility as leader. And I’m working on that, which has been helping. But I realized that that’s not all of it, that there’s something else that’s been building up. Something I’ve known about for awhile now but have been so scared of. Dr. Kim and I realized it together and I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you guys.”

_“You’d support me no matter what, right Hannie?”_

Jeonghan squeezes his hand.

Seungcheol takes a breath and squeezes his hand back. “I can’t keep it in anymore, at least not with you guys. Soon I’ll tell the staffs and then the company and-and then the fans but for now, I just want you all to know.” After another breath and glances at both Jeonghan and Joshua he says, with slightly more confidence than he’d had with Jeonghan, “I’m bisexual.”

The chaos that ensues is quickly shut down with looks from Joshua and Jeonghan but the array of hugs don’t subside and Jeonghan watches as more tears leak from Seungcheol’s eyes with so many pairs of arms wrapped around him. He’s surrounded by the people that love him most in the world and he clings to them as best he can. And those people praise him and thank him for being open, for accepting himself, for trusting them, and Jeonghan thinks, _take_ that _, anxiety!_

“Hell yeah hyung,” Hansol says, like he had with Jihoon, and it brings a grin to everyone’s lips. “We’re gonna be the gayest idol group there ever was.”

Seungcheol laughs softly. “I didn’t know that was a goal of ours.”

“We need something else to set us apart,” Junhui says with a smirk.

“At least it’s an honorable goal,” Wonwoo grins.

After awhile everything settles down a bit and the members start asking Seungcheol how he knew, a question that’s been tugging at Jeonghan’s mind too. He remembers their conversation a few weeks ago, when they’d snuggled close in his bed after returning from the States. How Seungcheol made him feel. The words he’d whispered. How _badly_ Jeonghan had missed him. And he wondered just how one knew they were bisexual. Was it a big revelation? Or was it something softer, less intense?

_It’s probably different for everyone. And you don’t even really know if you_ are _bisexual. You’re probably just thinking you are because Cheol is. That’s all._

He looks at Seungcheol, the way he’s still clinging to his own hand, and bites back a sigh. Their eyes meet and Cheol smiles. “It wasn’t anything big,” he says in response to the members, squeezing Jeonghan’s hand, eyes never leaving his. “I just… I just woke up one morning and I knew. If that makes sense.”

“How long have you known, hyung?” Chan asks, and then Seungcheol’s attention is diverted once again.

But Jeonghan looks at him as he talks with the members, noting the warmth in his own body. The pride in his own heart. Warmth and pride and _love_ for Seungcheol, for conquering this fear of his, for allowing himself to be open. Yet he can’t stop the nagging that tugs at the back of his mind. The nagging that makes him want to reexamine the way Seungcheol is holding his hand right now. The nagging that makes him wonder why he can't stand being apart from Seungcheol. Why he doesn't feel this way for any of his other members.

Why he wants nothing more right now than to kiss him.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeonghan talks with some of his dongsaengs about their experiences with sexuality and learns two things: first, that sexuality isn't always cut and dried and two, that he's in love with choi seungcheol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three weeks later, here we are lmao. thank you for all the subscriptions & kudos on this one; i hope this lives up to your expectations!
> 
> and sorry this got kinda long. i got a little rambly about sexuality because i've modeled jeonghan's experience off of my own and it's nice having the representation i guess is the word i'm looking for? whoops lmao. also lgbtq!seventeen is everything.
> 
> as usual this isn't extensively edited nor beta-read but please enjoy! <3

The door to Jihoon’s studio is unlocked, the first time Jeonghan’s ever really seen it so. He assumes that’s because of the text he sent a few minutes ago _("j_ _ihoonie, can we talk?”_ ) and the quick response he’d gotten ( _“sure hyung”_ ). But Jeonghan still feels like he’ll be intruding if he just barges in - Jihoon is a very private person, after all - so he knocks. There’s a soft _“come in!”_ and Jeonghan does, closing the door behind him. Jihoon’s studio is dimly lit as always and Jeonghan has to squint for a few moments, catching sight of a small lump sitting in front of his computer, bundled up in a hoodie he swims in. The blue light from the screen is harsh and Jeonghan has no idea how Jihoon does this all the time.

“I can go, if you’re busy,” he says.

Jihoon turns around and blinks sleepily for a moment. “No, it’s okay. Usually it’s me asking _you_ if we can talk, so I assume it’s important?”

Jeonghan thinks about it, what he’s been thinking about for exactly three weeks now, and sighs. “Actually yeah, it’s pretty important.”

Jihoon stands up from his chair and stretches for a moment; his hoodie barely rises up over his stomach. It’s a familiar black hoodie that probably belongs to Soonyoung but with how often they all share clothes Jeonghan can’t be sure. And then Jihoon motions quietly at the couch Jeonghan’s close to.

They sit in silence for a few moments and Jeonghan’s so grateful for that, that Jihoon lets him collect his thoughts and figure out what he’s going to say. He definitely needs it. With a sigh he tucks one of his legs underneath himself and then he looks at Jihoon.

“Can I ask you something personal, Hoonie?” he says quietly. “About your sexuality?”

Something flashes across Jihoon’s face, like he’s scrutinizing Jeonghan, and then it goes and his features soften. “Sure, hyung. Go ahead.”

“How - how did you know you were asexual?”

Jihoon looks away and he’s quiet as he thinks, worrying his bottom lip beneath his teeth. At first Jeonghan wonders if he’s crossed a line, asked too much too soon, but he quickly dismisses that thought because Jihoon would tell him so. He may not be as close with Jeonghan as he is with Seungcheol but they’re definitely close enough for Jihoon to call him out on his shit. So Jeonghan lets him think, the way Jihoon let him think.

And then Jihoon speaks.

“I think I’ve always known,” he says quietly, “at least since I was a young teenager. I just didn’t know there was a name for it until a few years ago.” He meets Jeonghan’s gaze with a wry smile. “I just… never really gave a shit about sex, you know? Whether it was with men or women or whomever, it’s just never been a big deal to me. I understand it, from a romantic and logical point of view - “

“Logical?” Jeonghan asks, despite himself.

His wry smile deepens. “Like, getting off to relieve stress. I do that sometimes but it’s not necessarily something that I enjoy. Not as much as the average, non-asexual person. If that makes sense.”

“It does,” Jeonghan says. “I think.”

Jihoon nods and then looks away again, at some invisible spot on the wall. “Soonyoung’s okay with it. Actually he - he’s really supportive of me,” he whispers, a smile forming on his face, and Jeonghan grins at the sight. God, he really loves the two of them together - even though they’ve all only known about it for like two weeks. And he’s so fucking happy Soonyoung accepts Jihoon for everything he is.

It’s all Jeonghan could want in a relationship.

“That’s amazing, Jihoonie,” he says, poking one of his dimples. “I’m happy for you.”

Jihoon pushes his hand away and schools his face into something more serious, even though a blush plays at his cheeks. “Yeah yeah.” Looking back at Jeonghan his features soften again, eyes bright. “Did that help you at all, hyung, with whatever you’re - you’re dealing with?”

Oh yeah. That. Jeonghan sighs a bit and slumps back into Jihoon’s really fucking comfortable couch. Kind of wishes it would just swallow him up. “Kind of. Sort of. I don’t know. I just…”

“Do you wanna talk about it, hyung?” And then: “Is this about Cheol-hyung coming out?”

Jeonghan meets his dongsaeng’s gaze for a moment before looking down at his lap. He finds a stray thread on his jeans and picks at it as he wills himself to say the words. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I-I think, I think I might be bisexual too.”

Jihoon’s quiet, like he’s choosing his words, and then he says, “What makes you think that?”

“I think I’m in love with him,” he murmurs.

Silence stretches between them for a few moments, yet it feels like _hours,_ and the confession hanging in the air feels like it might choke him. Yet at the same time it’s - it’s mildly freeing. He hasn’t ever actually said these words out loud before, never truly admitted them to himself, and it feels like some weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

Except that admitting it out loud means it’s real.

“Is that the only reason you think you’re bi, hyung?”

Jeonghan thinks about it. God, he’s been doing so much thinking the last few weeks it almost hurts (but he would never admit that to _any_ of his members, as it would result in the clowning of a lifetime) and he hates it. Hates second-guessing himself. Hates the way he’s been going over every single interaction he’s ever had with another man. Especially his members. Hates the way he has to ask himself, “wait, do I just think this guy is hot because I can appreciate beauty, or because I’m bi?” Hates even more the fact that he doesn’t have an answer to that. “I don’t - maybe? I mean, I’ve always been able to look at a man and say he’s good-looking if he is. I don’t have any problems with skinship or-or seeing another guy naked or anything like that. But I’ve written that off as a result of my being in an idol group for the last… seven years or so. An especially big, very close idol group.”

Jihoon nods solemnly. “That could definitely be part of it. But it also might not be.”

Jeonghan can’t help the groan that escapes his lips, and Jihoon chuckles in return, a sad sound. “That’s not helpful, Jihoonie.”

“I’m sorry hyung, but I can’t give you the answer. It’s up to you to decide. I can only offer advice and let you talk it out.”

He sighs heavily and scoots down to lay his head on Jihoon’s shoulder. His dongsaeng is warm, soft, and comfy in his hoodie and he leans his head against Jeonghan’s. “I know, Hoonie. Thank you anyway.”

“You’re welcome, hyung. Now why don’t you tell me why you think you’re in love with Cheol-hyung?”

God. Is that even something he can put into words? He tries his best, taking a few moments to think it over, feeling a smile on his lips as Seungcheol takes up his thoughts. Heart warming as he remembers the night about a week and a half ago when Cheol had come into his room holding a bunch of his own clothes. Jeonghan had just watched from his bed while his best friend raided his closet for empty hangers, sliding them into his hoodies and shirts.

 _“Excuse you?”_ Jeonghan had asked, setting his book down so he could slip off the bed. He came to stand at Seungcheol’s side, noting how he’d seem to have brought all his favorites to hang in Jeonghan’s closet. That stupid Balenciaga hoodie he loved so much, the tour shirts he liked to sleep in. _Oh,_ he’d thought.

 _“I’ve been sleeping in here almost every night since you guys got back from Manila so I figured it made sense to just start keeping some clothes in here,”_ he said, as if that was something Jeonghan should’ve just known. Which, if he’d thought about it (and he had. A lot.), it made sense. They’d usually end their days snuggling in Jeonghan’s bed, watching a drama or a variety show, only to put everything on pause so Seungcheol could change into something more comfy for sleep. Or when they’d wake up in the morning Cheol would have to go downstairs to change, only to come back up for breakfast. So yeah, Seungcheol keeping some clothes in Jeonghan’s room made sense. Right?

Now, he sighs at the look on Jihoon’s face - the teasing, amused tilt of his lips. “It’s just kind of - everything. Big things like how much I missed him the last few months, worrying about him until I made myself sick. Or little things like how much my heart fucking swells when he sends me an article or a stupid meme, saying ‘I thought of you when I saw this’. I mean, I love all of you so much but… no one else makes me feel that way.”

Jihoon’s taunting smirk morphs into something kinder, sweeter, softer, and Jeonghan knows he’s struck a chord with him. “I get it. If you’ll excuse my lovesick gushing, but Soonyoung - yeah, Soon makes me feel the same way.”

Silence settles over them again and Jeonghan finds himself getting lost in his thoughts. _If Soonyoung makes him feel the same way, does that mean I_ am _in love with Seungcheol? Does that definitely make me bi? Wait, does that mean I’m also attracted to him? Like…_ He blushes at the thought, refusing to let it continue, and a groan leaves his lips. “Why can’t this be easy?”

“That’s love, hyung. Or so I’m discovering.” He nudges Jeonghan. “I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to overthink it. Listen to your heart and all that shit.”

A lot has happened in the last three weeks, prompted by Seungcheol's coming out. Jihoon and Soonyoung announced they'd been dating for about a year (the most surprising thing about _that_ was how they'd been able to hide it for so long); Joshua and Seokmin took that as an invitation to start being touchier with each other around the dorms; Chan has been talking to his hyungs about sexuality, figuring out the right and wrong things to say, and they've all been more than willing to educate him; and Seungkwan and Hansol… well they've been watching over everything with warmly smug expressions, glad that their hyungs are finally "noticing what we've been seeing for years".

Their third anniversary is coming up in a few weeks, if Jeonghan remembers correctly. Which is cute. And a little unexpected, because who'd have thought Hansol and Kwan would have the longest lasting relationship out of all of them?

It's this revelation that brings Jeonghan to seek them out for advice and they have decidedly… different reactions to Jeonghan’s dilemma. He asks them about _their_ experiences with sexuality during a practice break and immediately their eyes go wide. Seungkwan even dares to glance over in Cheol’s direction for the briefest of seconds and Jeonghan sighs because he should know better than to go to these two for advice. He’s just hoping they’ll be able to give him something a little more… substantial than Jihoon. Something about the wisdom of youth, or whatever.

“Why do you want to know, hyung?” Seungkwan asks as he leans in, like they’re sharing a particularly juicy secret and Jeonghan already regrets this.

“Yeah hyung,” Hansol chimes in with a smirk. “Is this about Seungcheol-hyung?”

Jeonghan raises a brow at his dongsaengs’ brazen behavior but lets it slide because it’s his own fault, really. He literally asked for it. “What if it was?”

Seungkwan shrugs and he and Hansol exchange a look, like they can communicate telepathically “No reason, hyung. Just that - well, he’s kind of in love with you.”

_What?_

Jeonghan sputters over a response, willing his brain to work but it’s kind of short-circuiting at the ridiculous thought that Seungcheol could be in love with him. That’s not - no, it’s not possible. Seungcheol’s one of his best friends and he knows he’s Seungcheol’s. It - _no._ It’s ridiculous.

But not to Hansol and Seungkwan, apparently, who just look at him with varying forms of indifference. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed, hyung?” Seungkwan asks. “It’s - well, it’s kind of obvious.”

“May-maybe if you’re looking for it, it is,” Jeonghan responds, brain finally kicking into gear. These two must be out of their minds.

Or are they?

God, here he goes. Overthinking yet again.

_“I don’t like being away from you. I’m pretty certain I couldn’t live without you. All I want is to be by your side and have you by mine, for as long as we can.”_

Maybe… maybe best friends don’t say things like that to each other. He sure as hell doesn’t talk to Joshua like that. But their relationship isn’t as… touchy-feely as the friendship he has with Cheol. So yeah, okay maybe it _is_ normal.

Right?

“You’re thinking real hard, aren’t you, hyung?” Hansol smirks. “Come on, don’t overthink it.”

_Listen to your heart and all that shit._

“Don’t overthink what?”

_Oh._

Jeonghan’s heart starts pounding as Seungcheol’s voice, deep and smooth like honey, reaches his ear and then he’s engulfed in the warm scents of him as he sits down right beside Jeonghan. Like, _right_ next to him; no space between them. Slings an arm around his shoulder as casual as can be because he _always_ does that. He’s hot and sweaty yet Jeonghan finds himself leaning into him. Like he’s inherently drawn to him, something out of his control.

_What the fuck is anything?_

Cheol pokes one of his cheeks, a goofy grin on his face, the one that shows off his gums and makes Jeonghan’s stomach flip. “What’s wrong, Hannie? Wanna talk about it?”

He makes the mistake of glancing at Seungkwan and Hansol, only to find them watching with suggestive smirks and waggling eyebrows. _These kids…_ And when he looks back at Seungcheol he fights the urge to drop his gaze because his big doe eyes really do a number on his heart. “Uh, uh it’s nothing, Cheol. Promise.”

“You sure?”

 _No._ “Yeah.”

“Okay. You know how to find me if you wanna talk, though.” With that he gets up, heading towards the center of the practice room when Soonyoung announces their break is over.

“See, hyung?” Seungkwan says as the three of them stand up, elbowing Jeonghan’s side. Jeonghan fights a sigh. “He _loves_ you. The way he came to your rescue because he could tell you were distressed!”

“Don’t read too much into it, Kwannie. It’s not - he’s not in love with me.”

“If you say so!” Seungkwan singsongs as they join the rest of the members.

Jeonghan feels Seungcheol’s eyes on him and pretends like he doesn’t.

His next bet are Junhui and Minghao, since they’re sort of, kind of in a relationship (also they’re pretty damn mature when it comes to, like, everything) and Jeonghan’s able to get some time in with the two of them after dance practice but before sleep, up in Minghao’s room. Which Jeonghan was hoping for: he loves the vibe of Minghao’s room. It’s aesthetic as shit; with beautiful art and photographs, most of which has been done by Minghao himself, arranged on the walls; lights strung up on the ceiling; even the surely random array of blankets and pillows on his bed seem to match somehow.

Overall it’s comforting in here and Jeonghan holes up on the soft chair in the corner, bundled up in one of Minghao’s many plush blankets. He looks over at him sitting next to Junhui on the bed and at first glance there’s nothing about them that would suggest they were sleeping together. They don’t kiss or hug or hold hands any more than the rest of them do. In fact, right now their shoulders are barely even touching. But it’s obvious to Jeonghan how much they care about each other, in the little things they do. The way Junhui immediately rested a blanket on Minghao’s lap when they started to settle on the bed a few moments ago. The way Minghao rubbed out Junhui’s sore knee after dance practice. The small smiles and furtive glances when they think no one’s looking. It’s sweet and Jeonghan hopes they’ll be able to give him some sort of advice.

“So hyung,” Junhui starts, “what can we do for you?”

The words come out easier this time (third time’s the charm), and he asks them about their sexuality. How they knew they wanted more from each other. And he’s a little surprised when Minghao speaks first.

“When I realized I was bi,” he says, playing with a thread in the blanket, “it wasn’t some earth-shattering thing like it is in the Western movies Shua-hyung loves. I just started thinking about it, one day. ‘What if I like men too?’ and it just sort of made sense. All the stray thoughts I’d had, I started paying attention to. I thought about things I’d said and done in the past, things that I could’ve easily have written off as ‘young men being young men’ or my being with a bunch of other men constantly.” He shrugs like he currently isn’t freaking Jeonghan out with how similar his own experience is right now. But he must notice the look on Jeonghan’s face because he smirks. “I take it you can relate, hyung?”

“Yeah,” he says, without even thinking about it. “That’s what I’ve been doing lately. Just thinking over everything, wondering if the things I do or think about are because I-I might be bi.”

“Could be,” Junhui says, slinging an arm around Minghao’s delicate shoulders. “I know for me, my being gay came with a lot of internalized homophobia. But so much started to make sense. Like all the men I looked up to and ‘guy crushes’ turned out to be big, fat, gay crushes. Especially on this one.” He digs a hand into Minghao’s side, fingers moving swiftly to tickle him, and Minghao swats it away with a rather unperturbed face.

Jeonghan’s heart swells.

“Ignore him. He’s annoying,” Minghao deadpans. “Anyway, yes. For both of us - and I assume most of our other LGBTQ members - everything sort of fell into place once we realized we were, well, not straight. Now that doesn’t mean it was any easier to accept it but it definitely helped lessen the pain, so to speak. For me at least.” When he turns to Junhui for confirmation he’s gifted with a gentle forehead kiss, at which he sighs. “Apparently Junhui feels the same.”

This definitely gives Jeonghan more to think about. But it’s not… overwhelming, like it has been. Actually he feels better than he has in weeks - because someone else knows exactly what he’s going through. Someone else has experienced it and made it through to the other side; came out stronger and more confident for it. So maybe Jeonghan can too. Maybe he’ll actually be able to figure this out.

He gives Minghao and Junhui a smile, thanking them for their time. And as he’s about to leave, Junhui says something that makes him stop.

“You should talk to Seungcheol-hyung.”

Jeonghan turns around, trying to ignore the way his stomach flutters at the mere mention of him, and meets Junhui’s soft gaze. “You think so?”

“I do. He actually came to us, a lot like this, and he kind of went through the same thing as you. Except most of his thinking was done alone here at the dorms.” He shrugs a bit, a smile playing at his lips. “Worth a shot, right?”

Right.

Morning finds him sandwiched between Joshua and Seokmin on Joshua’s bed, his best friend _and_ favorite dongsaeng both more than willing to listen to him rant about everything that’s been weighing him down. They comfort him with fingers in his hair and Jeonghan’s glad they’re so madly in love with each other. Even if it’s the kind of love that makes him a little bit jealous sometimes, because he wants it so badly for himself. With a heavy sigh he sums up his conversations with Jihoon, Seungkwan and Hansol, and Minghao and Junhui and falls silent, waiting for his friends’ input.

Joshua speaks first, voice rumbling beneath Jeonghan’s ear where it rests on his chest. “Who knew we had such wise dongsaengs?”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

Seokmin snorts without a trace of irritation. “Ha ha, hyungs. So funny.”

“No but really, I’m glad you feel a bit better about all this, Han. I know it’s been really messing with you for awhile now.”

To say the least. He’s certain Joshua remembers the way they’d stayed up late after Cheol’s coming out, Jeonghan rambling mindlessly about his and Seungcheol’s most recent conversations. The one they’d had the night the rest of them had come home from the States. _“Do you think - no, nevermind. I don’t - nevermind.”_ Jeonghan rambling mindlessly about how one figures out they’re less than straight. _“Am I bisexual too?”_ And all Shua could give him, bless his heart, was _“that has to be something you decide for yourself.”_

Which is important, Jeonghan knows. That’s why Jihoon told him the same thing; he shouldn’t let anyone else influence his decisions because this is important. But sometimes he just _wishes_ someone could look at him and say, with certainty, “yes you’re bisexual” or “you’re definitely straight”. But life’s not that easy.

“What are you thinking about, hyung?” Seokmin asks quietly.

Jeonghan sighs. “I don’t know. Just how I wish this wasn’t so difficult.”

“I mean,” Seokmin starts, “you’re reevaluating a big part of yourself, hyung. Especially if you _are_ in love with Cheol-hyung. He’s your best friend - “

Joshua snorts.

“ - and that’s really big, too. So of course it’s not gonna be easy. But I’m proud of you for trying to figure things out and for being honest with yourself. That’s usually pretty scary, no matter the reason.”

Jeonghan lays quietly for a few moments, letting Seokmin’s words sink in. And he’s right; this shouldn’t be _too_ easy, not like deciding what to wear in the morning or what hair color he should choose for their comeback. This has the potential to change his lifestyle, to maybe change his relationship with one of his best, closest friends. So with a wry smile playing at his lips he reaches behind him to poke Seokmin’s chest.

“Look, we have another wise dongsaeng on our hands, Shua.”

The fond smile that touches Joshua's is more than enough to melt away any of Jeonghan's worries because hey, at least love is definitely real.

Late that night, after another long, exhausting dance practice, Jeonghan has his first real conversation with Seungcheol since before he talked to Jihoon. He just barges into Jeonghan’s room in nothing but a towel (which sends Jeonghan into a bit of a shock - he tries not to watch the way his body moves; lithe and graceful from a decade of dancing and training, yet somehow rough and powerful at the same time, in that way that’s so endearingly Seungcheol. Obviously he fails in the trying not to watch, ultimately deciding he’s glad that Seungcheol stopped dieting while they were off on tour.) and moves quietly to the closet, pulling out one of his own hoodies and a pair of sweats.

Turning to Jeonghan he smiles with - a blush? “Do you ah mind if I change, Hannie?”

“By all means,” and Jeonghan’s proud of himself for being able to form a coherent sentence in the presence of half-naked, freshly-showered Cheol. But he gives his friend his privacy, deciding resolutely to keep his eyes on the book in his lap. “Mingyu in your room again?”

“Yeah,” Cheol huffs, and Jeonghan hears the rustling of fabric as he dresses. “I think we all need to sit down and choose new rooms or something. Cause Mingyu’s _always_ sleeping in our room now that Soonyoung has all but moved into his and Jihoon’s, since Seungkwan’s in his and Vernon’s.” Seungcheol sighs and then flops onto the bed, the warm, earthy scent of his shampoo slowly invading Jeonghan’s senses, and only then does he decide it’s safe to look up from his book.

“You know you’re always welcome here,” he says quietly, meeting Seungcheol’s gaze in the dimmed lighting.

Cheol smiles and scoots closer, and butterflies erupt in Jeonghan’s stomach when he realizes they’re close enough that Jeonghan could just - reach out and kiss him if he wanted. _God._ “Thanks, Hannie. I appreciate it, really.”

They descend into a comfortable silence, Cheol playing something on his phone, Jeonghan reading - or trying to read. He keeps thinking about Junhui’s words, that he should ask Seungcheol about _his_ experience with his sexuality. That it might be beneficial. Or a bad idea.

_Guess we’ll find out._

“Cheollie?” he asks quietly.

“Hmm?”

He looks over at him, watching Cheol place his phone on the bedside table, liking how simply domestic that is - and then they’re facing each other on the bed, sharing Jeonghan’s expensive, memory foam pillow with the silk case, Cheol reaching out to brush a stray piece of hair from Jeonghan’s eyes.

It makes his heart ache.

“Can I ask you something?”

Seungcheol hums. “Of course, Hannie. What is it?”

“We - we never got to talk much about it, just the two of us, so I-I’m curious. Um, how did you know you were bisexual?”

He hums again and shifts onto his back, eyes on the ceiling, and Jeonghan looks at him while he waits. The soft slope of his nose, the curve of his plush lips, those stupid long lashes Jeonghan has always been half-in love with (or jealous of. Maybe a bit of both). Seungcheol is so incredibly beautiful it almost hurts and Jeonghan wants nothing more than to curl up in his arms. But something stops him.

“Can I be honest with you, Hannie?” And it must be important, because his voice has dropped to something low and quiet, the way it always does when they discuss important, intimate things. Jeonghan wonders if the other members get to hear him like this.

“Yeah, of course, Cheol. You can tell me anything.”

He nods and then his eyes flutter closed. “Being away from you - really did a number on me. I dunno, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. But it was just _you._ I mean, I missed the other members _a lot_ but not as much as I missed you.” A half-smile touches his lips. “But you know that already. I think I’ve told you almost every day since you’ve been back. And it’s been almost two months.”

Jeonghan giggles softly, loving the slight blush that dusts Seungcheol’s cheeks. “Yeah but I like hearing it.”

“Yeah?” Cheol murmurs as he turns his head, their eyes meeting once more.

“Yeah,” Jeonghan whispers, Cheol’s warm, minty breath, ghosting his face.

He nods again, as if to himself. “I - so, where I was going with that, I… just woke up and I knew I was bi.”

Which is exactly what he told Chan three weeks ago, almost verbatim, and Jeonghan sighs. “Yeah but _how?_ Why?”

Seungcheol doesn’t answer at first, just studies Jeonghan with deep, dark eyes. Jeonghan warms under his gaze and eventually looks away, unable to stand it. “You think you’re bisexual too, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jeonghan responds quietly, sounding too loud to himself, in the silence of his room. Simultaneously loving and hating how well Seungcheol knows him. “I’ve been talking to the others about it because I just don’t know and it’s kind of scary and I just - I wish it was easy. I wish there was something that would happen that could make me definitively figure it out. You know?”

“Do I,” Cheol says around a wry chuckle, shifting onto his side again so that they’re facing each other fully. “Sometimes I’m not even sure if I - if I actually am bisexual. Like it’s - I don’t know, girls are really fucking hot, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan laughs at this, at the conviction in his voice, and when he looks up Cheol is grinning. “I know they are, Cheollie.”

“But then again, so are men.”

“You said that when we started watching _Strangers From Hell_ a few weeks ago.”

“Hey, Lee Dong Wook is probably one of the hottest people to walk the damn Earth and I stand by that statement.” Seungcheol’s grin turns embarrassed as he tries to defend himself, and he ends up laughing instead, the sound literal, actual music to Jeonghan’s ears (as cheesy as that sounds). “Seriously though, if there’s one thing I’ve learned the last few months it’s that sexuality is… hard to define. Hard to figure out too. Well it can be. I know it’s easy for some people, like Joshua, but for me… it was really hard.” He takes a deep breath, reaches out again to brush Jeonghan’s hair off his forehead. “It probably didn’t help that it was tied to - to feelings I had, er _have,_ for a good friend of mine. So I had to wrestle with that too, trying to figure out if I was in love with him and attracted to him or if it was just… I don’t know, just because we’re close.”

_“No reason, hyung. Just that - well, he’s kind of in love with you.”_

Jeonghan’s heart stutters. Not only is that _exactly_ what Jeonghan’s going through but… _no._ He can’t think it. Can’t get his hopes up. “Oh,” he tries to sound casual, tries to keep his voice from cracking. “Do I know him?”

Seungcheol meets his gaze, once again studying him in a way that makes Jeonghan want to both hide and preen. And then he sighs, long and deep. Like he’s tired. “You know,” he says, “for someone so smart, you really can be dense, Hannie.”

The sudden insult, from _Seungcheol_ no less, makes his head hurt and he frowns. “Yah, don’t be ru - “

Oh.

_Oh._

Shit.

Something amused and teasing touches Seungcheol’s lips as he watches him, eyes alight. “Figured it out yet, Hannie?”

There’s no way. It’s - no. They’re _friends._ Cheol isn’t - _no._

“You’re in love with me?” he whispers.

The laugh that escapes his lips is unfair and beautiful and then they’re even closer, Jeonghan moving toward him without thought, without reason. Their foreheads touch, Seungcheol’s hand comes up to cup his face, and Jeonghan _needs_ him.

“It’s about time you noticed,” Seungcheol whispers, thumb stroking across his cheekbone, eyes closed. “I haven’t been trying to be subtle. I literally confessed to you the night you came back from the tour, dork.”

“You’re mean,” Jeonghan breathes and he could kiss him right now. So easily. “I’m definitely not in love with you, Cheollie.”

 _Fuck._ That felt really good.

“No?”

“No.”

Cheol’s hand slips down, thumb teasing over his bottom lip, and Jeonghan thinks he might implode. “Why don’t I believe you, Hannie?”

“It - it’s your own fault, really. You’re mean and a brute and-and - “

“Shut up and kiss me, Jeonghan.”

Their lips meet in a heated kiss, Seungcheol cradling the back of his head, holding him so close, so tight Jeonghan never wants him to let go. He reaches out for Seungcheol, for any part of him he can touch, and wraps an arm around his back to bring their bodies even closer together. Seungcheol’s so strong, so warm, so _safe_ and Jeonghan wants to melt against him. Even as their kiss turns softer, even as Jeonghan moves his hand, tracing along Seungcheol’s shoulder and bicep and forearm, eventually reaching his own hand in the same moment they draw back.

The love in Seungcheol’s eyes is so familiar, Jeonghan wonders how he never noticed, never realized how truly, deeply in love with him he is. He strokes his fingers over Cheol’s knuckles, smiling as Cheol moves his own hand to trace, to touch Jeonghan’s face. Brushing his cheek, stroking his bottom lip, grasping his chin to bring him in for another kiss. This one is definitely softer and Jeonghan can’t help the gentle hum that climbs up his throat. It’s contentment, happiness, bliss and Seungcheol returns it with a noise of his own.

“I love you, Hannie,” he whispers.

“I love you too, Cheollie.” Scooting closer he presses a kiss to Seungcheol’s chin, feeling like he’ll fall apart if he isn’t touching him. God, love’s turned him dramatic but he likes it. “I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”

“It’s okay. I’d wait for you, as long as you needed.”

Love has also turned Seungcheol dramatic.

But Jeonghan likes. Really likes it.

Breakfast finds him sitting beside Seungcheol, as usual, but this time they’re holding hands on the table. Everyone notices but no one says a word, opting for happy grins instead. And Jeonghan appreciates that. They’re giving him and Cheol time to announce it when _they_ want. If they want. But first things first.

Jeonghan squeezes Cheol’s hand after swallowing a bite of rice and his boyfriend - _boyfriend!_ \- clears his throat loud enough to dictate attention. The way he does. God. With all eyes on him Jeonghan wants to cower, words failing on his tongue. And then he looks at Seungcheol. Proud, happy Seungcheol who’s _in love_ with him. Who loves him more than anything. Who spent the night telling him how beautiful he is, in between listing off all the dates he wants to take him on.

Jeonghan turns back to the members, smiles, and says, “Most of you already know, but I want to say it out loud. I’m - I’m bisexual.”

Just like with Seungcheol’s coming out, Jeonghan’s attacked by hugs and happy, sometimes squealing (Seungkwan) dongsaengs. Food is abandoned for a moment as everyone gathers around him as best they can, asking a million questions Jeonghan can’t quite place - until he meets Hansol’s bright gaze.

“Hell yeah, hyung,” he says with a thumbs up.

Jeonghan’s heart squeezes.

Seungcheol reaches up and brings their entwined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to each of Jeonghan’s knuckles, and Hansol lets out a “hell _yeah,_ hyungs!” among coos and laughter.

Jeonghan's never been happier, he thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO CAN START BEING IDOL BOYFIES NOW.
> 
> i can finally write boyfie fluff with these two smh. and all the other ships too! so expect that [uh also feel free to check out the seoksoo smut i wrote that vaguely takes place in this universe lmao].
> 
> thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/scoups__ahoy) | [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/scoups__ahoy) | [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/serenawrites)!


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